Equilibrium in Chaos
I have always loved the concept of eclecticism which honors flexibility over rigidity. We get to select from all of what is available rather than being locked into one choice. My dear late mother told me that even as a baby, the notion of being confined in any fashion was something I found intolerable. She would sing to me as a child, an old Roy Rogers song, “Don’t Fence me In,” insisting it was describing me. I never really understood what she meant, as I considered myself a compliant child. I was, as I learned only after graduating with a BS in Psychology, a pleaser so I wanted to be a “good” girl, do as I was told, respect my teachers, never make trouble, etc. However, in looking back, I believe what my mother was noticing in me was the propensity to jealously guard my freedom to choose what I think, believe, feel, and do. So, the heart of what she called a “don’t-fence-me-in-spirit” was an unwavering view that every human being possesses innate freedoms no matter their station or circumstances in life. While it might be desirable to think outside the box, I have come to prefer living as if there is no box.
Equilibrium is about the eclectic marrying of a variety of schools of thought into a unified system that appreciates, integrates, and simplifies what it means to exercise our human freedoms. It is in the synthesis of the extremes rather than the avoidance or denial of their existence that enables us to stand in equilibrium rather than be swept away. It is the ability to see the paradoxical nature in everything and intentionally acknowledge and focus on the gifts. The quest for learning has led me through a fascinating journey discovering how physics, biology, neuroscience, psychology, philosophy, and religion all hold pieces of the puzzle and have served to inform the Equilibrium model. Using a metaphor from healthcare, it is like the PCP leveraging the tremendous resources from a number of specialists then integrating all that is present into a holistic approach. The fundamental question Equilibrium answers is do we or do we not have freedom to choose who we will be and how we show up in the world, regardless of external factors, or are we simply the cause-and-effect product of the swirling circumstances life throws at us?
You may have heard it said that we all have a breaking point. A point of no return beyond which a crash is inevitable. I recall talking with a client who described this pattern in his own life in which he felt like a passenger on a runaway freight train, powerless to stop his trajectory. Others have described experiencing extreme states, perhaps similar to what Billy Joel describes in his song, I Go to Extremes. There is a line which states, “Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes. Too high or too low there ain’t no in betweens.”
If you can fog a mirror, you have likely at some point exceeded your capacity to keep your cool. If you have, welcome to the club. It seems to be common to the human condition. But commonality isn’t the same as inevitability. If we have no choice, then we are no more than robots or creatures simply acting on impulse. The reality is a primary distinguishing trait of human beings is that innate drive and capacity for self-determination. It is in the pull between opposite extreme poles that we find equilibrium and the essence of being human. Equilibrium is not about making unpleasant things go away, but radically transforming the way we see everything we encounter. As Wayne Dyer put it, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” The ability to synthesize extremes gives us choice and intentionality rather than simply showing up as an unwilling passenger on the freight train of our own lives.
“BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE THERE IS A SPACE.
IN THAT SPACE IS OUR POWER TO CHOOSE OUR RESPONSE.
IN OUR RESPONSE LIES OUR GROWTH AND OUR FREEDOM.”
Victor Frankl
Just as Viktor Frankl discovered, between stimulus and response resides our greatest source of freedom and ability to choose how we respond. When we practice self-regulation, we increase emotional intelligence and build resilience. Equilibrium is not about living life in a vacuum, free from stressors. It is about thriving in spite of the presence of triggering events that if left unchecked, would otherwise naturally elicit some sort of stress reaction in us. But does that sort of reactionary existence offer the best quality of life? With freedom comes responsibility, and that responsibility demands examination and intention over fortuitous folly. Socrates argued, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Freedom then, we might conclude, is not absolute. The paradox with regard to our freedom is that when undisciplined, it is not freedom at all, but rather bondage.
It is not enough to examine ourselves and discover principles that allow us to choose a state of equilibrium. We must apply these principles. What we consistently apply becomes habit. Our habits become our default in times of stress. If you want to be more effective under times of duress, form habits that will serve you well. Change is stressful, but we can reduce the negative effects of stress by providing opportunities to practice skills and techniques that support changes in behavior. When we practice being open and accepting, we become more self-aware and emotionally intelligent (Goldman, 2012). We recognize greater choice in our mental habits and can mitigate any maladaptive habits by replacing them with ones that serve us better. When we choose to develop a habit, rather than focusing on extinguishing one, the PFC (Prefrontal cortex) is activated and will better support goal attainment (Lazar, 2003).
While practice does not make perfect (that is a fallacy) it does make permanent. Mastering equilibrium requires synthesizing the extremes. When we are able to acknowledge, recognize, and accept their presence without being overwhelmed or consumed by them, we are able to make more effective decisions about how to respond to the events occurring around us. Equilibrium is a holistic approach to integration of mind, body, and spirit. That integration is what empowers us to leverage opposite extremes in creating movement toward a grounded center position. Being fully aware of and yet being able to manage extreme states, serves as the stabilizing force that brings empowerment to our lives independent of circumstances. When we master synthesizing extremes, we are able to maintain a state of Equilibrium even when chaos abounds.
For more information on the Center of Equilibrium, Equilibrium Coach Training, or to work with one of our coaches, book a no-obligation call at www.envevo.com/book-an-appointment.